


Reminder

by Shyspyder



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Movie: Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation, Post-Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015), Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 11:19:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyspyder/pseuds/Shyspyder
Summary: It had been hours since they had left London, and Benji hadn't had the chance to sleep a wink. Now that he finally does, there are other thoughts to keep him awake.





	Reminder

**Author's Note:**

> I have a million things I should definitely be doing right now, but instead I’m going to write a fic for a pairing that nobody cares about lmao. I haven’t seen the new movie yet, idk if that makes any difference. This one takes place right after the events of Rogue Nation.

Benji couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten any sleep - real, actual sleep. Being knocked out and dragged halfway across London didn’t count, even if he had insisted to the rest of the team that it did. But whenever the last time actually was, it must have been long enough. Benji could feel his eyes drooping and his head nodding off as the buzzing of the plane echoed in his ears, fueling the relaxation in his muscles. The only thing that had even kept him awake for this long was the fear of what would come when he finally _did_ fall asleep. Of course, he knew that nightmares were an inevitability, especially after all that he had only recently been through. But there was still a part of him that was hoping that he could put them off for as long as he could. And that slight hope was just enough for him to keep his eyelids cracked open, even if everyone else thought he had long since fallen asleep.

After a time, the background noise of Brendt and Luther talking back and forth seemed to blend together, their voices growing softer and softer as the minutes ticked on. Benji had assumed that it was just because there was nothing else left to discuss, and hadn’t bothered to guess that it was because he himself was falling deeper and deeper. 

It wouldn’t be long before he wouldn’t have any other choice, though. It wasn’t just the exhaustion that was making his vigil so difficult now. There was also the warm shoulder that was pressed against his cheek. There was a small alarm in the back of his mind telling him to sit up before he humiliated himself any further, but that alarm was quickly silenced when he realized that the heat of Ethan’s shoulder was the only thing serving to him as a reminder. Even more so then the vibrating of the tin can around him, it was a reminder that this was all real. All that hell he faced before was done and over with. He had gotten out. They _had_ gotten out….right? At that simple question, he jerked up a bit, eyes widening once more. 

“Hey,” Ethan’s voice - softer then he had ever heard before - whispered. “Hey, you’re alright.” 

Benji shook his head, and without thinking, reaching to remove the long-since-gone device for his ear. The movement was stopped by Ethan’s hand around his forearm, followed by some other words that Benji didn’t hear. It was a gentle enough grip that he should not have flinched as much as he should have, but the contact was still just a little too much. As soon as he had done so, though, Ethan immediately dropped his hand, whispering something else that he couldn’t hear. Though his voice was drowned out by the roaring that continued in his ears, Benji could still see the expression in Ethan’s eyes. He could see the underlying fear there, and how much he was struggling to keep it hidden from him. He blinked a few times and shook his head, getting rid of whatever if was that was keeping him from listening to what he was saying to him. 

“You’re alright,” he repeated from before. “We’re on a plane, halfway across the Atlantic.” 

Benji nodded, his eyes still not leaving Ethan’s. There was something so warm, so comforting in that gaze. But after everything that had happened, he just couldn’t handle it. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Something flickered in that gaze, and he felt his heart break. “I...I told you that I could handle this. I told you - I _insisted_ \- that I was a field agent, that I was trained for this. I just...I should have been paying closer attention.” As soon as one word came out, the rest of them just kept on following. He closed his eyes briefly, before summoning up the courage to look Ethan in the eye. He was surprised when there wasn’t anger there. Rather, there was a spark of that same fear he had seen before, back when he was still half-asleep. He would have asked why it was there at all, but the small bit of relief that had come with finally being able to speak the words out loud overwhelmed him. But his relief wasn’t enough for him to ignore the fear of his own that followed. Benji tore his eyes away, looking at the window behind him. Clouds past by, the sunlight just beginning to peak in the distance. 

“Benji, what are you talking about?” Ethan’s eyes were wide in disbelief as he shifted to face him, but Benji couldn’t bring himself to look him back in the eye. Instead, he closed his eyes and shook his head. He opened his mouth, ready to argue, but Ethan interrupted him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. You would have done the same for me.” 

Benji felt his breath hitch, and he hated himself for it. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It was still  _ me _ .." 

Ethan shouldn’t be arguing with him. Ethan should be dismissing him from field work all together. Ethan shouldn’t've even been _looking_ at him. And he certainly shouldn’t have been looking at him in the way that he was. 

“Benji,” Ethan said again. This time, his voice was harsher. More desperate, almost. As if he needed to get his words through to him, before his attention slipped. As if Benji's attention would have ever slipped. “I didn’t do what I did because you’re part of my team. I mean, I did, but…” He frowned, and then shook his head. Determined. “I did it because you’re my friend. Because…” He trailed off, but he didn’t need to finish that sentence. They both knew that there would be time for that later, when both of them had slept and were far, far away from London. At this point, Benji wasn’t sure that either of them could have handled any more then what was said then. He was just too tired.

But it was a good sort of tired. He knew that the nightmares would still come, and for many more days to follow, but at least a few of the more specific demons could be put to rest. 

Before he even knew what he was doing, his eyes had fluttered to a close, and that warm shoulder was pressed against his cheek once more. Beside him, he could hear Ethan sigh, and slowly lean back against him. 


End file.
